from Carol Hughan
September 28, 2024
Dear Alice, Chris, and Dan,
I loved and admired your mother for so many reasons. Lillian was a woman who was secure enough in herself to be a leader, a follower, a writer, a number cruncher, and above all, a deeply spiritual creature. Lillian loved deeply and she loved you with every bit of her being.
She led groups at the Unitarian Universalists of San Mateo that brought people together and stimulated them to discuss vital topics of interest and to action. She worked in the larger community and supported worthy social justice actions over the decades.
I was in an extended family with Lillian when we were young enough and strong enough to walk miles and drive far distances. Together we peered down the throat of a giant flycatcher at the Conservatory of Flowers. We shared luncheons and enjoyed plays and concerts together. We ate dinner at the home of the Weisbergs and stuffed ourselves silly on Mary Ann’s fabulous cuisine. We would begin collective salivating the minute we knocked on the door.
One Christmas we got drunk together at Myrn Caulkin’s house. We drank too much because we didn’t want the evening to end. We didn’t always agree, either, and had spirited debates on issues important and trivial but our eventual goodbyes were always cordial and affectionate.
Lillian led our writing group through joyful times and sorrowful ones — through healthy in-person times at her home and online during COVID. She learned how to do the ZOOM and she corralled us all into writing amusing anecdotes when we felt anything but good-humored. We laughed until we fell out of our chairs when Jean Tinelli read her story about dancing behind the street cleaner truck that was spraying cool water on the hot summer streets of New Jersey.
One time the topic was “What Do I Want to Be When I Grow Up?” Lillian said, “I want to be of service.” She was of deeply abiding service. She held us and many other groups and individuals together with her tenacity, her constant generosity, her compassion, and her love.
How fortunate we all were that Lillian Barden, a force of nature, swept through our lives.
With tender regards,
Caryl Hughan
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